The tragedy of Ryuk
by music controls me
Summary: True stories! Well, except for Ryuk. Anyway, watching apples can sometimes put Ryuk in a very sad mood, especially when they are brutally slaughtered. Series of One-shots. Random funnyness. Slight cursing censored
1. The First Apple

**A/N: This actually happened today at lunch, and I could just picture Ryuk crying over the shattered remains of the apple.... Wow, that sounded emo. By the way, this story is dedicated to the brave fruit that gave its life for the inspiration of this story. Now remember the 2 Rs and the E: Read, Enjoy, Review!**

It was a normal day for Ryuk; Light was in school, and he was bored out of his mind. Why on earth should he care about how to multiply polynominals? He was a frickin' Shinigami! Anyway, he decided to drift off down the street, and stare at people, giving them vaguely uneasy feelings, until a commotion by the local junior high school caught his eye, mostly because of the apple.

What Ryuk saw was a blonde boy taking an apple-a round, red, juicy, scrumptious apple- out of a plastic bag and say "Anybody else want it?" A red headed boy took the apple, and turning to a blonde girl with very short hair, said "Hey, Catch!" He threw the apple at the girl, who missed it by about a foot. It started rolling down the hill, and the girl ran after it, muttering several bad words under her breath. When she had picked up the slightly bruised apple, she yelled, grinning, "Why'd you do that? You know I have no hand-eye co-ordination!" The boy laughed. She tossed the apple back to him, and Ryuks eyes followed it. He was so tempted to take a bite, just one bite, they'd never even know where the apple had gone.... And then the boy missed it. The poor, abused apple went rolling down the hill again, with the girl running after it. After retrieving it, and walking back up the hill, she handed the apple to the red head and said " I don't care what you do to it, I'm not saving it's ass again!" A brunnette girl standing nearby laughed and tackle-hugged the blonde, squealing, "Hello Kitty!" The red-headed boy shrugged, and walked down to the garbage can to throw the apple out. "Yes!" Ryuk was his chance! They'd never notice an apple missing from a garbage can! Finally, the torment of waiting would be over!!!!! Alas, it was not to be. Just as the boy reached the garbage, a few younger looking kids standing nearby yelled, "Smash it into the wall!"

Ryuk almost fainted as the boy smiled and threw the bruised, slightly-hacked-at, juicy apple towards the wall.

SMASH!!!!

The kids the boy hung out with laughed. Some applauded. A teacher scolded the boy for wasting food. But all of this was lost on Ryuk, who was floating at the point of impact, trying desperately to lick the shattered remains of the apple from the wall, crying softly.

Students arrving at school the next morning noticed a small tombstone standing by the wall that had killed the apple.


	2. The Second Apple

**A/N: OMGS, it's a second chapter! This one has a super special dedication, and here it is:**

**To Onee-chan and Eddie (the red-head from the 1st chapter). Eddie comes up with stupid ways to destroy apples, and Onee-chan brings the apples, and threatens to kill me I don't update. Meep! *hides behind chair* This story is no longer a one-shot, and will probably be updated everytime we destroy an apple, which could be as long as three weeks, or as short as 2 days. You'll just have to wait and see. **

Ryuk had been stalking the children for days now, waiting for his revenge. In all that time, there had not been anymore apple fatalities, which Ryuk was grateful for, but all that was about to change.....

Eddie picked up an apple, and threw it. This happened fairly often, and everytime it did, Ryuk panicked. Would this apple be the next to suffer a horrible demise?Tragically, the answer in this case was yes, as the apple bounced off the grass, and narrowly avoided being hit by a truck. The apple was rescued, kicked around, and generally abused for a further five minutes. During this whole time, Ryuk squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the horrible images that would haunt his nightmares for weeks (A/N: do shinigami even sleep?). This terrible torture ended when the apple was picked up by the blonde, whose name Ryuk had also discovered. It was Emily, and she picked up the apple, preparing to dropkick it. Luckily for Ryuk, she somehow managed to kick her own foot instead, and the apple was left alone just long enough for him to take a tiny bite out of it. As Emily picked it up, she exclaimed "Dude, we broke the skin!" The group giggled, and Eddie took the apple, punting it far enough along the sidewalk, that when it vanished into Ryuk's waiting mouth, they never even noticed the disappearance. Ryuk left the school grounds, determined to punish them for their sins. Someday.....


	3. The Third Apple

Ryuk's apples, Chapter 3

A/N: It's been updated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope this makes you happy Eddie. Out of all the apples we've destroyed since I started writing this, Bob the apple was especially memorable. By the way, this fic is now going to be in the 1st person, as a sort of journal kept by Ryuk. And he's learned everybody's names.... 'Cause of his epic Shinigami eyes! I forgot about them in the 1st chap, but they're being put to good use now. By the way, I have no idea if the date is right or not. All I know is that it was winter. This chap is dedicated to Onee-chan.... miss you tons, and hope you're having fun!

January 19th

They killed another one.

Day after day, I watch them, curb-stomping the apples, burning them, and smooshing them to pieces, but this is the worst offence of all. They gave it a face.

One day at lunch, Eddie started laughing, and I knew that there would be death in the very near future. Humans are so..... predictable. He asked if anyone had something sharp, and Emily pulled out a pair of keys. As Eddie took the keys, and the rest of them stood and watched, I noticed there was a new one... another murderer. I noted his name down, remembering to punish him as well. As I thought of this, Eddie held up the apple, and declared "It's Bob, the happy apple!". He had carved a smiling, Jack-O'-Lantern face on it. This apple was destroyed after school- eaten by Eddie. I shall not forgive this gravest of all sins

-Ryuk.


	4. The Fourth Apple

A/N: Yes, I updated, like Eddy's been nagging me too for weeks ^_^; Nah, I'm sure it hasn't been that long, has it? Anywho's, here it is: The fourth apple, Jack the WTF apple. BTW, all the events in here are true, and I own my memories, but I don't actually own Deathnote. Sorry :( And I also apologize for missing the _accent aigue_ on the E in cafe. I can't type those on my netbook. I've been noticing some missing words in other stories too. Don't know if it's a computer or human error. I'll re-read this carefully.

March 17th, 2010

Another apple was butchered today.

I saw it all from my vantage point above the door of the cafe, while those horrible children munched on their pizza. I considered trying some, but decided against it. This time, the apple was carved again, with one very big eye, one rather small eye, and a twisted, lopsided grin. Eddy proclaimed it to be Jack the WTF apple, and placed it in a spot of honor at the centre of the table. When they wondered what to do with it, Emily exclaimed, "Give it to Kennady!" A girl I had identified a few days earlier as Kennady, due to the floating letters above her head, took the apple, and gave it a kiss. The others looked at her funny, and someone said, "You know that apple was Kruger's, right?" Kennady immediatly started screaming about contamination, and flung the apple away. It was "rescued" by Eddy, who took it outside to smash it.

Every time these damn punks murder another delicious snack, the part I can't bear most is how they carry on as if nothing ever happened. They went back to the cafe, and when Kennady suggested that Lucas and Emily should go out, they laughed about it, and started to try and lock them alone in the cafe together, while the two tried frantically to escape. As I watched them laughing and carrying on, I realized that they were truly unrepentant. What horrible creatures humans are.


	5. The Fifth Apple

**A/N: This happened today! So it's actually pretty shocking that I updated this today as the way, I can't actually remember the name of the NSA apple, so I just named it Bill. Deal with it. For those of you who don't know, NSA is a sports program at our school. they're basically jocks. Hmm, I just realized this is technically a self-insert, isn't it? Darn. Although if you look at it another way, it's more like I inserted Ryuk into my life, so maybe it's the opposite. And my friends are in it too... The jury is out on that one. Bring in the dancing lobsters, and proceed to the fanfic!**

**I do not own Deathnote, nor do I own Invader Zim, nor have I seen Invader Zim. I apologize for typos/ stupidity.**

April 12th, 2010.

What is with these kids and carving faces into apples? Every time I turn around, they're naming "Bill, the NSA apple", or like today, "GIR". What is a GIR? Many of the girls squealed that it was cute, and they decided not to destroy it. But they've already ruined it by carving it! Humans are so... strange. Although the other side of the apple was also carved into a face, this one recieved less recognition, and was, in fact, destroyed when grated against a concrete barrier. This apple has been one of the lucky ones. The only true moment of terror it had to endure was when Eddy threw it at Lucas, and Emily panicked and caught it in mid-air, claiming, "GIR would be killed!". Perhaps if I am fortunate, there will be more apples like this one in the future, apples that shall not suffer needlessly.

Until then, all I can do is haunt Light, waiting for him to regain his memories, while he's being stared at by that odd stoner fellow. I really don't trust him- he eats strawberries and other sweets far too often. I haven't been able to steal an apple in days. Of all the humans I have encountered, he is undeniably the most interesting... although sometimes I am convinced he can see me. It's so amusing to see Light frantically deny his knowledge of Kira. Dropping the Death note in this world was one of the best ideas I've ever had. In the meantime, I shall go remove all the toilet paper from the Kira HQ, and watch what happens when somebody needs to go. Ten to one it's Matsuda. Laughing at his pain shall distract me from mine.


	6. The Sixth Apple

**A/N: This actually happened a while ago, just after the band trip, to commemorate Onee-chan's return. It just got shoved to the back of my mind... Don't know how, since this is actually my favorite so far. M.M.S.B.K.O.L.R.M.O.T.U is an inside joke from the band trip (Me and Lucas are the only ones in band). Don't worry about it. **

April 26th

Damn those punks. One returned from a far away place called "France", and they used this as an excuse to "celebrate" by murdering another innocent fruit. There was a certain amount of debating about how to carve it, but finally it was decided to carve "M.M.S.B.K.O.L.R.M.O.T.U.", whatever that means. Lucas and Emily seemed to be the only ones who understood, and laughed at it. They also destroyed it with a new strategy, something called "Baseball". It had been raining, and Emily and the girl she called Onee-chan had umbrellas. They had the brilliant idea to hit the apple with them. Fortunately, this didn't work very well, but unfortunately Eddie destroyed it by smashing it into the ground. They then strolled off, their conversation gibberish, with the occasional recognizable word or phrase, such as "Marshmallows", or "Snowball", or "Attention span of a goldfish" mixed in. Humans are hard enough to understand at the best of times. Teenagers are, quite possibly, worse. On a happier note, I managed to steal an apple from Emily on the band trip. She thinks she forgot it. Humans will believe anything.


	7. The Seventh, Final, Apple

**A/N: The final chapter! School actually ended a few weeks ago, but I've been too busy/lazy to actually sit down and write this. This is also the only chapter in the entire story where I made stuff up. None of this actually happened... but it's not ****all**** outside the realm of possibility... I actually have NO idea what would happen if you ate C4. But you shouldn't. And yeah, this chapter's also not written in 1st person. I couldn't get the effect I wanted. Oh, and onee-chan's name is Kasha, just to clarify things a bit.**

**As per usual, I don't own deathnote, or my friends. To quote nee-chan, "That would be slavery, which is wrong." Or something like that.**

It was the last day of school. Good byes had been exchanged, tears had been shed, awards recieved. It was almost time to go home for the summer. But over in a corner of the parking lot, a small group of students was plotting something...

Emily brushed the hair out of her eyes impatiantly. "All I'm saying is, if one of the teachers were to drive over an apple, it'd be really entertaining, especially if the apple was rigged to explode..." Tiyo, Kennady, Lucas, and Eddie laughed, but Kasha seemed worried.

"Hello Kitty, explosions are dangerous! Yeah, they're entertaining, but would the teacher be okay?"

"Oh, probably. C4's not that dangerous, right?" Emily said, waving her hand dismissively. Still worried, Kasha reached into her bag, and pulled out an apple, which she started to snack on nervously, before Tiyo snatched it out of her hand.

"Oh my God, this is the apple with C4!", she shrieked. "KASHA, THAT'S TOXIC!" Kasha, unfortunately, had already swallowed a bite, and slowly, a dreamy, slightly evil look spread across her face.

"Are you okay?", asked Eddy. She nodded vaguely, before quickly reaching out and strangling him. As his body fell to the ground with a dull thunk, Kasha looked around contentedly at everybody again, before passing out. Kennady reached down, and grabbed Eddie's wrist.

"Holy s***, there's no pulse. Kasha killed him!" She felt Kasha's wrist.

"There's a pulse, she's just unconcious... Guys, what are we gonna do?"

"Easy.", said Lucas grimly. "We hide the body, and deny everything." But little did they know, it was already too late. A shinigami had been watching, gnashing his teeth over the inevitable destruction of the apple. Now he had the upper hand. And all he had to do was find the human with his Deathnote...

Light Yagami sat at his desk, studying. University exams were important, could affect his entire future. It was vital that he do well on them. Nothing could intterupt his focus.

"Oh Liiii-iight... Could you do me a favour?"

Nothing except a bloody shinigami.

He sighed and turned to face the god of death.

"What is it now Ryuk? Out of apples again?"

"Oh no, this is much more important then apples... hyuk, hyuk, hyuk."

After Ryuk had explained the scenario, Light had turned crimson with rage. Steaming, he spun around on his epic swivel chair, grabbed the Deathnote, and wrote down the names of the heinous criminal and her accomplices who had murdered a friend in cold blood.

At the end of school, teachers had found six bodies- one strangled, one poisoned, and the rest dead from mysterious heart attacks. The scorch mark in the middle of the field, it was noted, ressembled that of an explosion caused by C4, but no proof was ever found. It had been swallowed by a very rueful shinigami, who now knew how to identify unedible apples, and had learned the hard way.


End file.
